If you or someone you know has Parkinson’s and prefer not to read about possible developments in their condition watch out for the warning and jump straight to the end.
It’s been a long time between posts this last couple of months.
Missed me? 
Does anybody even notice?
Does anybody even care? 
Where have you been, I hear you asking.
Have I been reclining on a sun bed, on the deck of a luxury yacht, moored in a secluded bay on the Isle of Capri, while negotiating an offer to turn this blog into a movie?
Have we been living in a mansion house on the Isle of Skye, exchanging witty comments with our specially invited guests. I won’t say who, not being one to name drop, just think of an episode of QI, with Stephen, Sandy, Alan, Victoria and David, (no not those two, think the wittiest, not the most famous!)? 
Was there a fire at the shop in London, on the Isle of Dogs, from which I, in common with many other bloggers, purchase ideas for blog posts wholesale, causing the Great Blog Writer’s Block crisis of 2017? 
The reason is so achingly prosaic, I am reluctant, even to mention it, let alone blog about it.
It is as dull as ditchwater. My Parkinson’s has been a total and utter, right royal pain in the ar.. neck.
Annoyingly I have been suffering from a doso situation (as nobody calls it). 
Delayed Onset, Sudden Off.
Perhaps due to my horrifically high levels of background stress (long and, as yet, unfinished story) or the fact that I have been on basically the same medication since 2006 and cannot really up the dosage any higher, I have for much of the summer, many times a day, been slumped, uncomfortably, unable to rise to a standing position from any seated position without help.
At this point I shall pause. Just think about things you do sitting down … yes that’s the one, and you can see how depressing and embarrassing this has been.
In my Off-state I need help doing anything you can think of. Dressing, undressing, moving.
Imagine lying in bed, in an uncomfortable position, knowing that if you could move your body just a centimetre one way, then you would be completely comfortable, but, instead, being totally unable to move…
Imagine a family meal in a busy restaurant, when you are in a delayed onset moment, unable to manipulate the knife and fork except v..e..r..y… s…l…o…w…l…y, so your lovely tasty meal will be cold by the time you eat it, so your much better half has to cut it up for you.
On the plus side of the DOSO, I have made my GP look like a miracle worker. Experiencing a sudden off my Parkinson’s Nurse fixed it for me to get an emergency appointment so my GP could see how bad I was, give me the once over and send off a blood test. I shuffled in barely able to raise each foot more than a nanometre off the ground.In the time I was in there my meds kicked in and I could have danced like Fred Astaire, but settled for striding purposefully through reception. In a film one patient in the waiting room would have turned to the person next to them and said “I want the medicine he is on.”
The second thing was my invention of a new extreme sport, especially for PwPs. If you take the definition of an extreme sport to be ‘an activity that provides an adrenaline rush and a frisson of danger’, then this activity fits the bill. Provisionally called SOStairDescent, it works like this. Stand on the upstairs landing. If you are playing the advanced level you have to carry a bag, weighted by the addition of a water bottle. Using the hand rail begin your descent of the 13 steps. Roughly halfway down you set of the house alarm. There is a delay before the alarm being activated and it going off – can you make it down the last six steps and key in the off code? If that doesn’t get your tremors tremoring I don’t know what will.
*********** End of spoilers alert
So if you are still wondering where I’ve been between posts this summer, I have been in the slough of despond,  near to the vale of tears  just take the A23 Croydon exit on the M25.  & 
Footnotes: how many quotes did you spot and how much of the trivia did you know
 Missed me?” Buffy in Season 2 ep1
 Does anybody even notice? Does anybody even care?” from “Once More With Feeling” the musical episode, the lyric comes from Dawn’s Lament.
 I refer to Victoria Coren Mitchell and her hubbie David Mitchell [wittiest] and not the more famous Victoria and David Beckham, although if they did pop round for a cuppa that wouldn’t be a problem.
 I can’t remember the author, I’m guessing Douglas Adams, who would tell fans who asked where he got his ideas, would tell them that he bought them.
 The Crystal Maze is back, which is nice. “DOSO situation” is a tribute to the new host Richard Ayoade and his ALIS.
. Nothing to do with Slough, which I am sure is a lovely place. The slough of despond – was a deep muddy bog, It comes from The Pilgrim’s Progress, representing something difficult to get through.
 Vale of tears – life on earth before believers ascend into heaven. On Dave, the tv channel, there is a series where the comedian John Bishop has a conversation with a celebrity. Last week the guest was Jimmy Carr. If I remember right they were talking about Carr having been brought up as a catholic, but now he wasn’t. Then Carr said something very profound. He envied people with a faith, because it was comforting ~ no matter how bad things were here in the vale of tears, they would be rewarded in heaven.
 it is widely believed the M25 is the Road To Hell in the Chris Rea song. It might be, but it could be the A19 at Middlesbrough, in the part of the country he is from.
 Contrary to popular belief the M25 does not fully encircle London. At the Dartford Crossing both the northern tunnels and the southern bridge are designated as the A282, allowing vehicles prohibited from being on motorway to use the crossing.
Well what a mix of topics,all you have to do now is add Parkinson’s and shake well.
(That would make a good name for a blog…)