“So I understand you wish to place an advertisement in our recruitment section?”
“Yes, I’ve made a few notes about what is required.”
“Thank you, . . . now let me see. Okay you are no longer able to drive safely.”
“That’s correct, my passengers have begun to complain that on a long journey they find it difficult to carry enough spare clean underwear to cope with their feelings of anxiety me pulling onto a roundabout causes them.”
“So you need a chauffeur, that’s simple enough.”
“Yes, but there are other requirements.”
“Yes, but they are very difficult to decipher, is this shorthand?”
“No, my writing gets like that over the course of a paragraph.”
“Well, if you could just talk me through the details?”
“Of course. ”

Some time later.

“So you need a caterer as you’re unsafe with sharp knives and hot pots and pans, a cleaner as you can’t manage to wield a feather duster or a vacuum cleaner, a chauffeur, a PA to keep track of your appointments, a pharmacist to order and arrange your medication, a Jeevesian gentleman’s gentleman to help you get dressed or undressed, depending on when you need the help, a motivational speaker to get you through the bad days and a best friend to share in the better days? Someone to laugh at your ‘jokes and to share a laugh when the alternative is to break down and cry. And most recently someone to help you up from low seats, which included the toilet. They need the patience of a saint and the ability to judge the exact moment to offer the help without making you feel totally useless or a burden. All of these are 24/7 tasks. Is that a fair summary?”
“Yes I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, that’s another thing by the way, they need to do basic diy”
” I’m sorry but the chances of finding a person to do this job must be a million to one.”

I am very lucky. I am married to my one in a million.


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