Weekends away from home (a) using the loo at night.

There are so many problems that PD causes on a weekend away from home I have to split them up!

It happens to all of us I’m sure.  It’s 2:30, I wake up and need to go to the loo.  Once upon a time this was easy peesy, (I apologize for that awful pun), now it is an epic struggle.

There is a scene in Kill Bill Pt1, where The Bride is escaping from hospital and she has to get her paralyzed legs moving and she begins ‘wiggle your big toe’. WATCH IT HERE

Getting up is like that nowadays.  So finally I’m out of bed and here comes the next problem.  My bedroom at home had a bright clock that provides illumination and blinds that let the streetlight in. In some hotels it is common for the curtains to be lined so thickly I suspect they could provide protection from x-rays as well as excluding any light.  So in the dark I shuffle towards what i hope is the toilet door.  My much better half is awake now. I open the door and flick the switch.  A fan comes on with the light.  At home I can turn the extractor fan off, now it drones like a swarm of angry bees as I face my next dilemma. I am tall and toilets are low.  If I sit on one without some means of pulling myself up I might well get stuck.  If, on the other hand I stand, i run the risk of an unfortunately timed tremor and the consequences you can imagine.

I’ll spare you the details, but mission accomplished I head back to my bed, now with the added difficulty of trying to see in the pitch black room with eyes that have just recently been in a bright toilet.  Shuffling once more, my much better half sighs, ‘take a step to the right’.  What is she doing? This is no time to be teaching me ‘The Time Warp’

Oh wait she’s guiding me to my bed…

3:45 and I need to go again.  This time I cunningly take my iPhone and although I can’t find the torch app, just turning it on provides adequate illumination, slipping it into the chest pocket of my pajamas.  This is fine until I bend forward to lift the toilet seat out of harms way.  At that precise moment gravity makes my phone slip, so I let go of the toilet seat to stop my phone falling out, forgetting that this toilet seat is not equipped with the slow fall action so it falls normally and makes a loud bang…

Back to the pitch black bedroom…

All together now: “Let’s do the Time Warp again”.

 

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